D is for…

Disguise

Restaurant “Freddie, I’m so tired of waiting!  I want to be with you openly!”

“Adele can’t last much longer, my sweet.  Her doctor gives her two weeks, and says that that is a generous offer.”

“Yes, but he’s said that before.  You know what you must do.  Put it in her tea; it will be a mercy.”

“Hush, Gertie!  Do you want me to hang?”

“Oh, it’s only the waiter!”

Only the waiter, eh?  Oh, Gertie, if only you knew!  It’s Adele’s brother Winslow.  Freddie and Gertie have both met Winslow… so why don’t they recognize him now?  How has Winslow, a man of average intelligence and abilities, managed to ‘tail’ these plotters to this restaurant, and get close enough to hear their wicked plans?

Why, by following our Complete System for Disguising the Face, of course!  Winslow sent away for our Six Easy Lessons after the first of Adele’s ‘little accidents.’  He suspected Funny Business, and boy, was he right! 

The Art of Disguise in six easy lessons

Send away for your copy today! 

 

Gaul mustacheFrench mustacheRussian mustacheMustache

It may surprise the reader to learn that all of these drawings are of the same man.  These are all drawings of Mr. Butch Verdigris, one of the top operatives at Finkerton’s, the prestigious American private investigation firm.  Mr. Verdigris gave us permission to use these pictures because of the trust he places in our methods- for he is one of our mail-order graduates. 

“Sure,” Mr. Verdigris told us, in his quaint American idiom, “you gents can use some drawings of me in your Ad; I’m not just talking when I say it won’t hurt me none.  It won’t give the game away to the Criminal Element; I’ll just use one of your other techniques, and they won’t know me from Adam.”

You, too, can master the Art of Disguise, in Six Easy Lessons.  Each lesson comes with a complete kit for Disguising the Face!

Send Away for your copy today!!!

Notes: I sent away for my copy- and the ‘complete kit’ is ALL WHISKERS!!!!!  It never seems to have occurred to these Fatheads that a WOMAN might require a disguise… to use their kit, I’d need a complete Change of Attire… I wonder if my Dress-Maker would oblige… the poor old thing will be Shocked, but I shall approach her on the subject.  I will, of course, have to Disguise my Feminine Curves…

Perhaps I’ll write my own Six Easy Lessons… for the Investigating Gentlewoman!

 

 

 

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4 Comments

  1. Maybe you can convince them to branch out into wigs. We women could have some fun with that. 🙂

    • Melanie Atherton Allen

      Hooray for wigs! I kind of vaguely want a wig or two… but I think that for the moment I will simply dye my hair various different colors. This process is less itchy than a wig, and has the additional advantage of adding a surprising quantity of color to our rather drab second-floor bathroom. Instant redecoration!

  2. Who knew Winslow could be co crafty?

    Have you ever played BioShock? The name Finkerton made me think of it. 🙂

    • Melanie Atherton Allen

      Hey Sara! I haven’t played BioShock myself (I can’t really deal with FPS-style games; they stress me out), but my boyfriend has played BioShock 1 and 2 and I have watched; is there a Finkerton in that? I based mine on Pinkerton’s, a detective agency since 1850, most famous today, I think, for strike-breaking (100 years ago or thereabouts). And since “To Fink” means “to tell, to squeal, to rat on,” and a Fink is a Teller, a Squealer, or a Rat, I thought it was apt.

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