For Sale: Rambling Country Estate in isolated district. The trains are convenient, and reliable, except on Dark And Stormy Nights, when they tend to inexplicably break down.
Cellars dry and slightly haunted. Good, slightly haunted drains. Dungeon is in bad repair and extremely and disturbingly haunted. But take heart, potential purchaser!
It is being bricked up as we speak.
What the Experts Have To Say About The Bricking-Up-Ghosts Method, Even Now Being Applied At Boilingbile Hall:
“Bricking up ghosts is an Idea Whose Time Has Come!” -Sir Cecil Downwind, of the Royal Society.
“Bricking up ghosts…modern innovation!” -J.K. Bangs
“There is absolutely nothing that could go wrong with this plan. Ghosts in the walls is exactly what you want.” -Expert, speaking on condition of Anonymity
Bricking Up Ghosts = SCIENCE!
Gentlemen, this property is Going Cheap! Lord Boilingbile has been advised by his Physician that his health won’t stand the strain of another harsh winter. Also, after the recent rash of grisly murders that occurred at a House Party at Boilingbile Hall (The tabloids referred to these events as the Boilingbile Butcherings; The Times called them Unfortunate Fatalities in a Rural Idyll), the place has, for Lord Boilingbile, Painful Associations.
All Serious Offers Considered! Direct all Inquiries to Gaul & Wormwood, Purveyors of Fine Property since 1801
Notes: What are they bricking up besides ghosts? And could Lord Boilingbile be selling the ancestral home because he is in immediate need of money? Is he, perchance, being BLACKMAILED?? That letter that arrived on the first morning of my stay at Boilingbile… the one with a mark of a cross at the lower right corner of the envelope… upset the old fellow rather badly…