E is for…


Be A Detective In 12 Easy Lessons

From the firm of Philo and Gubb, “The Oxford University of Correspondence Schools”

If you believe you have received this in error, please keep it as our free gift to you- and remember, there are Eleven More of these Fine Lessons, available at your request + 25 cents.

Lesson 5: Evidence.

You know, if you have been Following these lessons with due Care, that you must Look for Evidence at the Scene of a Crime, as well as in Surrounding Environs.  But what, when you come right down to it, does evidence look like?

Evidence In Its Many Disguises.

Evidence can look like many things.  Here are some of its guises:

old pointy hand

The Baby is Crying. Why?

Vintage-Sad-Baby-Image-GraphicsFairyIf the baby is crying because it has recently witnessed a Crime, then this may be evidence; keep in mind, however, that Babies generally cannot Testify in a Court of Law, or, if they are permitted to do so, they generally just make asses of themselves.



Evidence! A Hat. Whose hat is it?

Bowler hatA simple Hat can indeed be Evidence:

Was the hat left behind at a Crime Scene?  By whom?

When You Find An Evidential Hat:

1) Note the hat’s Position, both Absolutely and In Relation To The Crime

2)  Examine the hat first for a name; many criminals are Very Stupid, and many Dish Their Chances at once by leaving such Unintentional Calling-Cards behind them.

3) Next, check the hat for hairs.  What color are the hairs?  That is, most likely, the color of hair that the owner of the hat has.  If there are No Hairs, your hat-owner/criminal might be Bald.  This examination should be done with a Magnifying Glass!

4) Finally, look at the hat generally.  Look for damage and wear.  Has it been repaired?  Was it repaired skillfully/lovingly (implying that the hat may have belonged to a Married Man, or to a Tailor) or was the repair done in Slap-Dash Style (the usual style of The Bachelor and The Widower)? 

That is about all the Evidence that can be got from a hat.

Other Types of Evidence:

Lock-Key-Vintage-GraphicsFairyold pointy hand

Locks and Keys.  Could be Evidence, could be merely Meaningless Gibberings of Fate (See Lesson 12, Coincidences and Other Rotters, for more information on the subject of Meaningless Gibberings of Fate).  You probably won’t be able to tell which it is.  Go back and look for a hat.  When you find the criminal’s hat, just follow that trail back to the Criminal.  Don’t bother about locks and keys; those are covered in our Advanced Lessons ($5.00 per lesson, because it is so advanced that you have to pay more).  Also; ignore all data that you think you’ve extracted from Train Timetables.  You have almost certainly Got It Wrong, or else there is a Trick about Trains (Lesson 12 of Advanced Series).

pointing handpocket watch

Time.  What time is it now?  What time was it when the Crime occurred?  Good.

Human skull (side view)old pointy hand

Bones.  Evidence of Dead Human, if Human Bones. 

A Fact From Anatomy/Science:  A Human Skull is a Human Bone.


Pointing hand revolver

Weapons.  Sometimes these are Evidence.  For example, if someone has been Shot, a Gun might be Evidence.

Pointing handold pointy hand

Pointing may be evidence, if accompanied by words like, “It was he what did it!”

That is about it for Evidence. 

Notes:  Though I received this “Lesson” for free in the mail (“sent to me in error,” or so they say; I think it is an advertising stunt, myself), I still feel as if I have paid too much.


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  1. Ha! Love the bit about babies not being able to testify! Glad to find another HU blog in the A-Z challenge.

  2. “Go back and look for a hat.” Genius. And there is a charge for that. Love this post – laughs from beginning to end. Needed that.

    • Melanie Atherton Allen

      yay! I am glad you liked it! I liked it, too… D was for “Disappointment,” but this one has pep, I think.

  3. Haha! That crying baby picture is so horrible. Good stuff. 🙂

    • Melanie Atherton Allen

      Thanks Sara!!! I plunder free Clipart galleries for hours at a time to unearth horrors such as that lil guy. This particular one comes, I think, from the Open Clipart library, though it may have come from The Graphics Fairy. So, you, too, could have an awful baby on your blog!

  4. Good point! I must remember to tell my mum not to sew my name in my special burglar hat – been caught out with that one on more than three occasions now!
    Just Ermie

  5. Oh, this is brilliant. Too much good stuff to list, but I especially appreciate the little things, the the capitalization of various investigatory-sounding terms like “Very Stupid” and “Unintentional Calling Card,” and I’m very curious about lesson 12 on the Meaningless Gibberings of Fate.

    I’m so glad I found you! (Well, you found me first, but still)

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