A is for…


A homely, domestic poison; to be used in Disposal of rats, husbands, and rich old relatives.  Great Uncle Filbert seems unkillable, you say?  He has survived a fall down the stairs, a head-on collision with a speeding Omnibus, and a mild attack of Stabbing?  And now he is laid up in his bed, plucking feverishly at the coverlet and talking of Alterations to his Will?

His Solicitor arriving for Tea, you say?

Give him a nutritious breakfast of Arsenic TODAY!



society ladies“My dear, I found him positively Cheating – that young widow down the street, you know- absolutely In Flagrante!  Well, just a pinch or so of the stuff, and now Mrs. Merry Widow has some real competition!”

Woman and her Brelly“Great-Aunt Theodora became rather a Spiritualist after the death of her husband.  We were ALWAYS sitting down to a nice seance and a little chat with the Dear Departed.  Well, THAT was alright, though a little gloomy, and the Dear Departed do say the most Insipid things, I always think.  But THAT we would have borne.  You know us.  But when Aunt Theo started talking about leaving all of her nice money to that wicked old Madame Crepusky- and if that was her real name, I’ll eat any hat you like- WELL.  ‘Madame Crepusky has brought my Hugo back to me!’ she would say.  ‘I owe her My All for that.’  And that Would Not Do.  And so we sent for the 25 cent Large Economy Bottle of Alfred’s Arsenical Aelixir (we Insist On The Best, we do) and – well, all I can say is, we’re quite comfortable now.”

ARSENIC – The Woman’s Weapon… OF CHOICE!

Household Tip:  Ladies, it is a False Economy to buy low-quality Arsenic.  Insist on The Best when you lay your Loved One to Rest- Buy Alfred’s Arsenical Aelixir, available in the 5 cent starter-size, the 25 cent economy size, and the new 30 cent Family size!

Buy War Bonds


Notes:  The Dowager Duchess of ____ really should NOT have kept this; everyone knew she disliked her daughter-in-law and thought she was Lowering the Tone.

Bookmark the permalink.


  1. Stopping by from the #atozchallenge !


    I love this post! Looking forward to more.

  2. Stopping by to check out the A to Z challenge. Great oneliners in your article! Love the bit about “Women’s weapon of choice.” Good luck.

    My A is about Amateur Sleuths.

    JC Gatlin

  3. Haha! Very cool. I almost used ARSENIC for our first post too. (ARSENIC: A cut on the bum.) Nice to meet you! Will stop by frequently. You are just my cup of tea. 🙂

    ~Jessica Bell from http://www.degeneratedictionary.com

  4. Hilarious! Great post! Can’t wait to see B.

  5. Off beat and full of intrigue – looking forward to more fun on this blog! Thanks, Melanie 🙂
    Blogging from Alpha to Zulu in April!

  6. Returning the favor, Melanie!

    Lovely post, and quite funny. I’m looking forward to the rest of April. Taking time to explore, I stumbled upon your Hugo Makewar posts and couldn’t get enough. Great job!

  7. You had me in stitches, loved this and can’t wait to see what else you come up with. Welcome to A to Z 2014

  8. Looks like great Uncle Filbert didn’t have a chance! God bless, Maria from Delight Directed Living

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *